You know you're from Memphis when...

 

Beale street is not what you look forward to when you turn 21 because youve already partied there all through high school.

 

You think it's stylish to put spinners on a beaten up '81 Buick Skylark and even more stylish when you can only afford to put them on one side.

 

You've had to explain to an out of towner while driving down I-40 that Bellevue Baptist is not an airport.

 

All directions start with, "Go down I-240..."

 

It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a "scenic drive."

 

The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 a.m. to 9:30 a.m. The 5:00 p.m.rush hour is from 3:30p.m. to 6:30 p.m.; Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

 

"Sir" and "Ma'am" are used by the person speaking to you if there's a remote possibility that you're at least 30 minutes older than they are.

"Sugar" is a more common form of address than "Miss." So is "Honey," And don't be offended; it is used by both sexes.

 

The falling of one raindrop causes all traffic to immediately come to a screeching halt. So will Daylight Savings Time, a girl applying eye shadow across the street, or a flat tire three lanes over. Should (God forbid) one snowflake fall in Memphis, all drivers on the roads immediately lose any ability to control a car. Or, if in a pickup truck or SUV, they will drive as though the roads are dry.

 

Nonconnah Parkway (TN-385) is the southern equivalent of the Autobahn. I-240 is the racing oval and I-40 is the drag strip.

 

You will rarely see a semi on Nonconnah Parkway, because the truck drivers are intimidated by the oversized SUV-wielding housewives racing home after a grueling day at the salon or the tennis match, to meet their children at the school bus

 

Pedestrians in Memphis have the right-of-way.... but it is a driver's duty to take out the pedestrian when crossing the street.

 

You know getting on to the U of M campus from the Southern or Central parking lot is the human equivalent of Frogger.

 

You understand what Makin Easy Money Pimpin Hoes In Style really stands for.

 

You remember the days of Adventure River, and Wet Wild Water and Wheels

At least 3 of your friends have been to Lakeside, two of them brag about breaking out.

 

You survived the Ice Storm of '94

 

A typical set of Midtown directions may include, "take North Parkway east until you reach East Parkway, then take East Parkway south until you reach South Parkway, then take South Parkway west until you reach...

 

Even though it is the largest indoor arena in the region, there is no easy way to reach The Pyramid. You must drive under a series of interstate off-ramps and through the back of a concrete company in order to park. Once you reach the building, you must climb up dozens of steps, even if your seats are at floor level, which means you will be climbing back DOWN dozens of steps after entering the arena

 

Radio rap is not real rap. Three Six Mafia, Project Pat, Frayser Boy, Lil Wyte is real rap.

 

You know what real Barbecue is.

 

You know what Smith 7 is.

 

You are scared of Bartlett Cops. In fact you actually slow down in order to outsmart those stealth creatures.

 

There is an intersection of two streets near Midtown. The "two" streets are Summer Avenue, North Parkway, Trezevant Blvd., and East Parkway.

Again, names change at random. This situation (two intersecting streets with four names) is not atypical. It is common knowledge that Memphis was laid out by a drunk on a crippled horse.

 

You're proud of the number one violent crime rate Memphis holds.... Because that means you survived living in Memphis.

 

You remember when construction on the main library had to stop for about 4 years because the architects didn't take into account the weight of the books.

 

Our tap water is like your Evian.

 

The weather doesn't go with the season. Fall doesn't exist. We have late Spring and Summer.

 

You just call the Mississippi "The River."

 

You didn't know that the Old Bridge and the New Bridge had names.

 

All year long you look forward to May... because Musicfest is in May

 

You've had to switch the thermostat from heat to air-conditioning in the same day

 

You can say "Take Poplar" and get anywhere from anywhere.

 

You know you can make it anywhere in Memphis in "about 15 minutes"

 

201 Poplar is one place you don't want to visit

 

You have met one of the members in Three Six Mafia on the street or waited on them in a restaurant.

 

Everyone hates the mayor, yet somehow, we are still under the reign of King Willie

 

You only have to drive 20 minutes to see the set of "Hustle & Flow"

 

Everybody thinks they are from the hood

 

You know what Voodoo Village is.. Double points if you've actually been to Voodoo Village.. Triple points if a bus rolled out in front of you.

 

You've never been to Graceland.

 

You wait in line for 30 minutes for Fast Food and your order is still wrong.

 

Remember the Mall of Murder? It even had ice to keep the bodies cool until the police decided to show up

 

If you call Wolf Chase "the old mall" and The Avenue Crossing "the new mall".

 

Orange Mound and Nutbush aren't things to be laughing about.

 

University of Memphis is known as Tiger High

 

Only in Memphis will you see 3-5 cop cars as backup for 1 vehicle that has been pulled over for a traffic violation.

 

You remember when the weather guy on channel 13 was skinny.

 

You remember when the cathouse cafe at the zoo was still the cathouse and you still can't eat there.